Hey Migraine. You're an asshole.

That's right Migraine. I'm just calling it like I see it. I don't know how many times I've told you since I was twelve to fuck the fuck off, but I'm sure it numbers in the hundreds at this point. You never seem to take me seriously. But I so totally mean it.

No one likes you. You're rude and selfish and ugly and loud and smelly and you should just go die. Or go hang out with Newt Gingrich or someone like that. No one else wants you around. Even Michele Bachmann hates you. That's pretty bad, because she's crazy. You can tell she's crazy because she spells Michelle wrong. She only uses one L and that's messed up, so you know she's got some serious problems.

And what's with you these last couple weeks?! I mean seriously, I don't need you around EVER and you show up four times? FOUR TIMES! WTF Migraine? Do you have nothing better to do than make me a whiny, glassy eyed, cry baby face head? You should take up a hobby or something. Woodworking or some such nonsense. I don't care what it is, but you should really find other things to do, instead of forcing yourself on people that don't even want you around. That's pretty sad and pathetic Migraine. Get a life why don't you! I'd almost feel sorry for you that you have to resort to such tactics just to have company, if it weren't for the fact that I fucking hate you. Maybe you should work on your personality and then people wouldn't mind having you around. Did you ever think of that? No, probably not. I bet you think you're perfect. Fucking narcissist. I've got news for you-your shit DOES stink! You just sit there and think about that for a while and maybe it'll change your attitude about things.

Apparently you've been working out. I can tell because my normal medicines aren't working. My neck is killing me and I feel like there's a ball of fire back there too. My skin is actually hot! That's fucked up Migraine. Know what else? I don't care for this whole new "light sensitivity" bullshit either. Knock. It. Off.

I don't know why you're pulling this shit with me Migraine. I'm normally a pretty nice person, and I don't deserve you attacking me like this. I know I'm nice because when I smile at babies and children, they smile back. In fact, that just happened a few minutes ago. I came home and went to go get my mail and this little girl and her dad were in the hall and I smiled at her and she smiled back and started talking about her "cinnamon gloves". I don't know what cinnamon gloves are, but I bet she wouldn't want to tell you about them. I bet kids would start crying if you smiled at them.

That's the difference between me and you really. Kids love me because I'm nice and a relatively awesome human, but they fucking hate you.

Because you're an asshole.

And a dick.

Morning migraine-A 1 woman play

Migraine-GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!!
Head-Wha-Ouch! Not cool Migraine. Not cool at all.
Migraine-HI! GOOD MORNING!
Brain-Shhhhhh. That hurts Head, Migraine.
Migraine-REALLY?!?!?!?!
Brain/Head-Yes!
Alarm clock-MORNING!! MORNING!!! TIME TO WAKE UP! LET'S WAKE UP! WAKE UP! TIME FOR WORK! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH! START YOUR DAY! GET UP!!!! LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!! UP UP UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!
Brain-Calm down alarm clock! Arm, why can't you find Alarm clock?
Arm-I'm trying, just gimme...Found Alarm clock! Shhhh Alarm clock, go back to sleep.
Ears-Thank God
Migraine-I like Alarm clock.
Brain-Go away Migraine.
Migraine-Ummmmm...NO! You haven't missed me?
Brain-Can't say we have.
Migraine-That hurts my feelings Brain. I noticed you've been avoiding me for the last week. I've tried to come around but you keep taking medicine and stuff. So I decided to try first thing.
Brain-If I hurt your feelings then you should go away and not come back.
Migraine-I will spend the day with you and make you love me.
Brain-Sounds like it's time for medicine.
Migraine-?
Brain-That's right MEDICINE!
*Migraine punches Brain in the brain stem
Brain-Yes,time for medicine FOR SURE.
Migraine-Whatever, I'm not going anywhere.
Stomach-I'm not into this medicine idea
Brain-What's wrong Stomach?
Stomach-Eh. Not feeling so hot. Don't really feel like holding anything right now.
Brain-That's Migraine's fault. If we take medicine then Migraine may go away.
Stomach-Still not into it but do what you've got to do.
Brain-Body, off to the kitchen!
Body-K (sits up in bed)
Head-WHOA BODY! SLOWLY TO THE KITCHEN!
Migraine-Remember me and you, and you and me, no matter how you toss the dice, it's meant to be!
Stomach-This sucks. I really feel like shit.
Brain-I know Stomach. I'm not feeling so hot either. Legs, what's your problem?! Straight lines please.
Legs-I am!
Brain-Sigh. Ok. Just get to the kitchen.
Migraine-The only one for me is you...
Eyes-Why is the fridge light so bright?! Where's the medicine Brain? Where'd we leave it?
Brain-Crap! Eyes, I think I told Body to leave it in the purse. Legs, go to the purse.
Legs-Make up your mind Brain.
Brain-Shut it. I'm not in the mood.
Legs-Pfffffttt
Migraine-And you for me!
Eyes-Purse is really dark.
Brain-Don't worry Eyes. Hands, dig around at the bottom. That's where everything goes.
Hands-Cool...found medicine!
Brain-SWEET! Open it hands!
Hands-k
Brain-Legs, we need to go back to the kitchen for water.
Legs-on it
Brain-Hands, pour some water please
Hands-k
*Body then takes medicine and drinks water
Migraine-La la lalalalalala la la la la!
Brain-Alright. Lets get ready for work Body
Head-Fuck you
Brain-HEAD I SAID-
Head-FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Migraine-LA LA LA LALALA LA LA LA LALALALALALA! WISH I KNEW HOW THIS SONG WEEEEEEENNNNTTTTTTT!
Brain-Quiet Migraine! Ok. We'll go lay down for a bit alright Head?
Head-Sounds good
Brain-Body, let's lay down
Migraine-AND SOMETHING ELSE, AND MORE WORDS HERE!
Brain-Quiet Migraine
Throat-Water please
Brain-Throat, what's wrong?
Throat-Water please
Brain-Yeah, I got that the first time. Why do you need water?
Throat-Ummm, I kinda hurt. Need water.
Brain-Why didn't you say so when we were in the kitchen?
Throat-Shrug
Brain-Is it soooooo bad that we need to get back up? Head wants to rest for a little while.
Throat-(mocking tone) Head wants to rest for a little while :P
Brain-Throat, be nice
Throat-I want water!
Brain-I'm making an executive decision. No water right now Throat. If you didn't need it in the kitchen, you must not need it that badly. You'll just have to deal.
Throat-:P
Migraine-HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!
Head-Ugh
Stomach-Ugh
Brain-SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Calm down Migraine.
Migraine-:D
Brain-Head, we've got to get up and get ready for work.
Head-Um you know, I'm just really not down for that.
Eyes-I'm with Head. I'd like to keep the lids down for, oh, 5 or 6 more hours. It's kinda bright in here.
Brain-Eyes, the light's not even on!
Eyes-The sun is on.
Brain-Eyes it's-
Eyes-THE. SUN. IS. ON.
Head-Yeah Brain! The SUN is on.
Stomach-Yeah Brain! Whatever they said!
Migraine-Yay sun! YAY YAY SUN! Brain, you should tell Body to open the blinds! More sun!
Brain-Sigh. Fine. Eyes, you're going to have to look at the phone though. We have to tell everyone we're not coming in.
Eyes-ummmmmm, phone is bright.
Brain-Not as bright as the sun. Tough it out.
Eyes-SIIIIIIIIIGH. Fine.
Fingers-Texting is hard!
Brain-Just make it make sense
Fingers-They can probably read that. What do you think Eyes?
Eyes-Phone is bright
Brain-Fingers, I think that was ok. Don't worry about Eyes, they don't feel like being too helpful today.
Eyes-I heard that. Can we close now?
Brain-Yes.
Eyes-Brain, would you tell Arms to wrap the blanket around Head? The sun is on.
Brain-FINE. Arms... get to it.
Arms-k
Migraine-...The only one for me is you and you for me SO HAPPY TOGEEEEEEEEEEETHEEEEEEEER!!!
Brain-Migraine, now is really not the time. You made us call in, that should be enough for now ok?
Migraine-Bah bah bababababababa babababa!
Brain-Sleep?
Sleep-What's up?
Brain-Can you come over?
Sleep-I was just there a little while ago!
Brain-I know, but Migraine woke us up.
Sleep-So?
Brain-Well, we took some medicine, but I don't know if it's going to work and Migraine is upsetting everyone. We had to call into work because Migraine is being so obnoxious.
Sleep-Oh I see how it is.
Brain-What do you mean?
Sleep-You only want me around when you need me. When being awake is inconvenient for you.
Brain-Sleep, what are you talking about?
Sleep-What am I talking about? How about all the times I come around and you try to make me leave? You ignore me! Or worse, you tell me to go away! That happens, oh, LIKE EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Brain-Sleep, you know we like you. Really, we love you. But Body has a job to do and she can't do it if you're around is all.
Sleep-Ummm hummm. Whatever Brain.
Brain-It's true! Body, tell Sleep!
Body-I feel like shit
Brain-(stern Mom voice) Body...
Body-Sleep, can't work with you around. But we do love you. Migraine made us not work today. We can hang out all day if you want.
Brain-See Sleep? We love you!
Sleep-Sigh. Alright. Give me a bit. I'll be over.

On the subject of relationships...

So I recently got out of what I thought could be a rewarding relationship. And it's not that it wasn't, it just didn't end the way it should have (I think anyway). It got me to thinking about relationships in general. What works, what doesn't, what the hell went wrong? Here I give you the woman's perspective. This is the kind of thing you'd hear if you were a fly on the wall when a woman's friends find out about how things are and how we think they should be.

Men, we think you're dumb. Every. Last. One. You're all dumb. We think you are as dumb as you think we are crazy. But really, it's not that you're a mass of unintelligent nimrods bumbling through life who somehow manage to feed yourselves without your mommy around. No. Really it's more that you're naive and kinda scared of the world. And that seems pretty stupid to us. We're all told it's the women of the world that believe in fairy tales but that's really not the case. Yes, lots and lots of women imagine that when they meet the man of their dreams, life will be perfect, trumpets will sound, and the animals will sing a happy love song while she and her perfect prince dance off into the sunset. We call those women 18 year olds. They just barely qualify in the woman category. They've not had their heart truely broken yet. By the time a woman is 23 or 24, she's sufficently jaded enough to realize that the fairy tales aren't true. So then we do what every guy friend I had when I was in my 20's hated. We start dating older men.

Yes guys, you only had yourselves to blame for all the hot girls your age dating 30 something men. It seemed logical to us at the time. If guys in their 20's are too immature to have a productive, loving relationship, then older men must have had enough life experience to have grown up. It's kind of true. 30 something guys are less immature. By a very little bit. Eventually though we find out that older men that date younger woman have got some issues. Most of us would rather not deal with those issues.

At this point, we're in our mid to late 20's. Some of our girlfriends somehow found a guy that was worth marrying. Other girlfriends have given up and stick with a guy that's totally not worth it. On our girl nights we ALL bitch about YOU over a glass of yummy wine. Because even the good one's that our girls married are....dumb.

You guys think relationships just happen. You think if she's the "right" girl, it just works. You think there should be no real effort involved. If you run into a disagreement, then it's not meant to be. She must not be the one. You worry you're settling for something if it's not magic all the time. That's all a bunch of hooey. Foolishness. You're naive and afraid. You don't like to admit it to yourself, but every woman knows a mans heart is much more fragile because you're terrified of emotional pain. You'd rather have your arm smashed with a sledge hammer than have your feelers hurt. Grow up already.

Let me tell you about "the one". It's a bunch of bull honky. It's a terribly depressing thought really. I'm sure you're aware there are more than 6 BILLION people on this planet and counting. The odds of people finding their "one"? The only person in the world that can possibly complete their life and make everything wonderful? Yeah, that'd be slim to none. We'd better hope there's not just one person out there for us, otherwise we're all totally french toasted. As for the whole "meant to be" thing? Yeah, I'm not much for that either. I think it's just an excuse people use when they either realize that they're not willing to work on a relationship, or they've actually tried and it's just not happening.

By the way, when you realize that the relationship you're in isn't what you're looking for, think about band aids. You know how you're tempted to pull it off slowly because you know it's going to hurt a lot if you just rip it off? So you work at it slowly, and it pulls each and every little arm hair out of your skin ever so agonizingly? And you know that had you just yanked it off, the pain would already be over and you wouldn't have this big throbbing red mark on your arm that won't let you forget how dumb you just were? Break-ups are the same way. Take Nike's advice and just do it. Get it over with because in the long run, it's less painful for everyone involved. Yeah, we may still cry. We may even tell you we hate you and make you feel guilty. But we'll both be able to move on faster, because it hurts more the longer it takes. Man up!

Relationships are a choice. When you think you're ready for a relationship, you better be ready to accept that you have to work to make a relationship last. If you don't embrace that, you'll fail. Can you make it work with each and every person you're attracted to? No. Everyone is in a different place in their lives. Personal backgrounds, as much as we hate to admit it, make a difference. Personal beliefs, all sorts of things come into play. Some people will tell you the old adage opposites attract is the key. Others will tell you if you're too different from your partner, it can never work. There's a whole slew of factors that go into making a relationship work. But willingness to try is the most important. To make a relationship work, you have to be willing to try. If you expect that it will just happen and you don't have to do anything, you'll be alone more often than not. Yep. All by yourself-for freakin ever. That's because anything worthwhile takes work. You worked to get through college yes? In the hopes that it would nab you a better job and a better life right? Right. So you worked for it. It was hard. It sucked sometimes. Maybe you even wanted to quit. But you didn't. Honestly, a relationship is no different. You find someone you're attracted to. Someone who's company you enjoy. Someone you can laugh with and talk with and trust. Then you decide to give it all you've got. Know that it's scary for everyone, but since when is being afraid a good excuse to not do something so rewarding? Know that a relationship should be 50/50, but a good partner will understand when it has to be 80/20 to help you achieve your goals (and expect that the situation will reverse it's self and you'll be the one giving your all to support her goals too). And when you have a fight you acknowledge that we're all imperfect and work it out. Even if it's agree to disagree. But don't mistake a disagreement or a difference for a sign that you're not supposed to be together. That's stupid. Women know this. We wish that more men did.

I hate you cancer

So for anyone that cares to read this, you may or my not know my mother probably has lung cancer. I say probably because the goddamn doctors still haven't done a flippin biopsy on this thing they found in her lungs oh, a couple months ago. According to the assistant to the surgeon that will eventually do the biopsy (WHEN?!), the CAT scan shows irregular boarders and is consistent with a malignant tumor. So really, best guess is she has cancer. That follows since she's been smoking for 40 some odd years.

I thought I'd come to terms with my mother's smoking and my father's various addictions. I was wrong. When my mother called me and told me they'd found something in an X-ray, I could hardly talk. That's because my throat closed up because I was crying. I didn't want to do anything and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just layed on the couch for the entire weekend and watched Criminal Minds. I didn't eat the whole weekend. I lost 3 pounds the following week. My boyfriend and I broke up in part because I have absolutely nothing to give to a relationship right now. Because I'm afraid my mom will die. And I'm afraid she'll suffer before it happens.

I've not slept for more than 3 hours a night for the last 3 weeks. Nearly 4 weeks now. Except for last Tuesday. I slept so well that I woke up in the same position I'd fallen asleep in. I don't advise that by the way because that side of your body will stay sore all day. It was worth it though. I thought "oh yay! My insomnia has cured it's self!" I was wrong about that too. And yes, I've tried all sorts of OTC meds to sleep. How do you think I've been able to get as much as 3 hours of sleep? That wouldn't happen if I were non-medicated.

So I took most of yesterday off because I was so flippin exhausted. You can't even believe how tired I was, and I can't even begin to explain it. It wasn't just a physical exhaustion, if anything, it's more a mental exhaustion. In 3 hours, you can still reach REM sleep and your body can do a lot (not enough, but a lot) of the repairs it needs to. But (medically induced) 3 hours is not enough time for your brain to rest and re cooperate. I think it's only just enough to stave off insanity. And there's no guarantee I will remain sane if I continue on this 3 hours a night sleep thing. To paraphrase Donkey from Shreck-I'm a girl on the edge!

I come in today, and everyone but my boss is mad at me. People that know what's going on in my life were mad at me. But I'm just too tired and stressed out to care. It's not that I don't want to care either. I'm talking about people I consider friends outside of work. But I just can't be bothered to care about what they had to deal with yesterday. I just can't. I'm too tired from hating cancer/fearing for my mother/not knowing what will happen to give 2 poops about it. And there's my last word on it.

You're a nice person and all, but I'm kinda busy right now

Do you ever have those times where you just want to just want to say "Look, I'm kinda busy at the moment. Can we talk about this later?"

The frustrating thing about those times is usually that it's fairly obvious you're kinda busy at that moment. Like, maybe your face is stuck in a book. Or you're having a conversation with someone else. Or you're doing homework. Whatever. It's clear you're busy. And yet, people want to talk. And you try to do the polite "uh huh" distracted thing-trying to get the point across that you're busy. But the person just doesn't get it. (Shakes head) Why is it so hard to fathom that perhaps it is more interesting/important/relaxing for us at moment to do whatever it is we're doing that it would be interesting/important/relaxing to speak to you? Help me out here because I just don't understand!

Colorado weather. Don't believe the lies.

Just a short post today to clear up some crazy misconceptions that people have about the weather here in Colorado. Lots of people around here like to say "Don't like the weather? Wait 5 minutes!" then they laugh as if they've made some sort of clever joke. But what they've actually done is reinforced this silly idea that Colorado is a sunny, warm, wonderful climate year round. It's not. Winter starts in October. No really, it does. Granted, it's not like a deep freeze Michigan kind of winter. But that's when we get our first snow. So as far as I'm concerned, that's when winter starts. Know what I call kids on Halloween around here? Flashers. Know why? Because when you open your door, they open their coats so you can see their costumes, shout "TRICK OR TREAT!" and bundle right back into those coats. Because it snowed the night before. And it's still really cold. Poor things!

And another thing. Winter doesn't end before April. True story! We've had nifty 3 foot + blizzards in April. At the end of April even! I know that because my birthday is in April, and I've had to wear my snow boots on my birthday many times. So that means 6 months of winter. That's an inappropriately long time.

People also like to tell this little lie: "Oh yeah, it snows now and then. But it's no big deal. It's gone next day!" No it's not. Those people's front yards must be north facing, and they must never look in their back yards. Or at the sidewalks on the way to work. Because if they did, they'd see the snow is most definitely still there. Those same people will also tell you that the day after a snow storm it'll be "like 60 degrees!" Yeah. Not so much true really. Maybe in the 40's. That happens. But last my body told me, 40 is not like 60 at all.

Again, those from Michigan (as my mom is) and all those northern states will tell you that Colorado winters are balmy in comparison. I know. That doesn't make 40 degrees feel anything like 60 degrees when you're outside though.

Just sayin.

My take on fixing Washington...

It's so mindbogglingly simple. But I'll start from the beginning of my reasoning here. I'll take you on my train of thought (usually has a lot of detours and back tracking, but not this time)!

I've joked for years and years that the only thing politicians in Washington can agree on is that they need a raise. They fight over everything else and I'm amazed that any actual legislating of any sort happens. It's a sad joke really, not intended to be ha ha funny, but rather, that's so pathetic you have to laugh. I don't think politicians should be paid much more than us. They're supposed to be in the business of public service, not the business of amassing fortunes.

I've always felt that if they think they should get a raise, they should have to ask us. They claim they work for us right? So, shouldn't we be the ones to judge their job performance? I don't get to tell my boss, oh hey, by the way-I was really busy the last few months, so I told payroll to give me a 20% raise. I dare you to try it and see if you get to keep your job.

A friend asked me how I'd qualify good job performance for Washington. Very simply...no gridlock. Debate yes, compromise-absolutely! But no digging in of the heels-I won't listen to any of your ideas b/c you're from the other side of the isle bull honky. That's a bunch of stupid crap and we're all sick of it!

So I say the best start to cleaning up Washington is this. Across the board pay cut. I'm talking like a 10% pay cut too. Maybe more. Then, at every election we'd see the following at the end of our ballot: "Does the house and senate job performance merit a wage increase?" Yes or No. "Does the house and senate job performance merit a wage decrease?" Yes or No. I have a feeling that (truly) being accountable to their constituents would start a lot more collaboration in congress.

So now you'll probably get to thinking, well if the greedy bastards aren't getting their money from us, won't they just get it from the lobbyists? Fair question. I don't know, maybe each and every congressperson should have an IRS agent assigned specifically to them, so every single thing they do is monitored. I don't have all the answers. But I think I'm on to something here.

It's begining to look a lot like Christmas...

But not the one I was taught about growing up in a Lutheran house hold from Tennessee. Good God loving southern family that we were, we kept in mind what the holiday is supposed to celebrate (for those of you unsure, that would be the birth of the baby Jesus!). Most of you know I'm a Buddhist now and not a Christian. But that doesn't mean I can't be appalled by how the holiday is celebrated these days.

I was thinking about this because I do ALL my holiday shopping on line. Yes, I still celebrate Christmas. It's a holiday I loved as a child, and not just because I got presents-though yeah, that was (and is) totally fun and awesome and stuff. It was because my family was there. And I love my family. My crazy, extra large, semi-eccentric family. If they didn't have a hand in raising me, I would not be the person I am today. Frankly I think that's missing in today's society and I think that's part of what's wrong with us these days. But that's another blog entry entirely.

So anyway, the biggest reason I do all my holiday shopping on line is because I hate the holiday shopping crowds. No one is excited for the coming holiday. The shoppers are stressed out because their kids what the super duper deluxe xbox/wii combo and the store advertised they only had five of them in stock and would sell them for the bargain price of $550! The workers are stressed because they make a bit over minimum wage, had to be at the store at 4:30 a.m. and know that there's only five of those damn super duper deluxe xbox/wii combos in stock and some crazy mother will scream at the top of her lungs at them about how they should make this up to her because her precious son is the only child in the world that really deserves that toy! Oh, and there's a good chance someone will get punched in the face by an angry father who doesn't know why the hell he has to do all this shopping crap in the first place.

I'm pretty sure that I was taught that Christmas was a celebration of the birth of Jesus and a time to reflect on life and enjoy your family and all around celebrate the miracles of life and all that fun stuff. Sounds pretty good doesn't it? Way better that screaming and fighting at and with/around perfect strangers. Christmas is not about stuff. It's about love. That's what I think anyway. That's why I still celebrate it. I like love. In fact, I LOVE love! Who doesn't? Yeah, it's nice to get presents from people. Honestly though, I like Christmas cards. They don't take up a lot of space (I've got a tiny apartment!), and people can be surprisingly honest in them. I like that. Anything I need, I just buy anyway. This year, most people aren't getting stuff from me. They're getting Christmas cards that tell them how much I appreciate having them in my life. They're having donations made in their honor to charities, because some children's parents can't even afford food and shelter, let alone a super duper deluxe xbox/wii combo. Those people need my money rather than stores. They may even get a hug and a Merry Christmas! My family and friends don't need more things. They just need to know they're loved...and they are!

So while you guys where fighting it out to get the coolest toy for your kid, I got the few things I wanted to get for my loved ones online. And I stayed happy, while you got angry. I gave myself the opportunity to enjoy the season. Maybe next year you'll give yourself the opportunity to enjoy it too. Because once you remember what it's all about, it's one of the best days ever! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

Gay marriage-more you're a fucking bigot proof!

Big thank you to Shereeeeeeeea and her almost a pastor until he thought better of it dad for giving me really awesome examples of stuff the bible says we should/shouldn't do that we don't/do do anyway!

Cotton/wool blend clothing?-No!
Polygamy-Yes!
Lift a finger on the Sabbath for anything not God related?-No!
Human sacrifice?-well, we kinda covered that in the whole kill your kid because God said to, but just to clarify the point, it gets a big ol' YES! Oh, animal sacrifice is required in the Old Testament as well.
Be mean to immigrants?-No! "Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him,for you were aliens in Egypt"-score! I could write an post about immigration too...damn gringo racists!
Marrying a non virgin?-Yeah...not so much ok with the Lord.
Marry outside race?-that gets a no too
Children born out of wedlock?-Banished!
Cutting your hair?-well, that's forbidden!

Yeah, there's more I'm sure. You get my point though right? If gay marriage is forbidden in the bible and that's the argument you're going to use to make your bigotry acceptable, then follow that bible to the letter damn it! Kill your flock! Marry your dead brother's wife! And start growing out that hair while you're at it you freaking Roman!

Gay marriage...the horror!

Yet another big topic for a girl like me to tackle. Can I handle it? I'll give it my best!

Lots of people say they're against gay marriage because it goes against what the bible says. Ok. Here's the issue I've have with that argument. People only use it when they've got nothing else to back up their hate. You hear it from people who are actually bigots, but can't stand up and admit their beliefs and say "I don't believe in it because I hate gay people". Because that's the real truth. They're bigots. They hate gay people for whatever reason. But you can't hide behind the bible on this. Here's a small sampling of why!

If we do things or don't do things because it's in the bible then why are the following not ok in our society? (Mind you, this is just a sample)
Slavery-the bible is all for it.
Beating your wife-kiddos...that's where the saying "rule of thumb" came from.
Killing/threatening to kill your own children-they call it the insanity defense when the voice of God tells you to take the life of your own child. If the jury buys it, expect to spend the rest of your life in the loony-bin.
Infanticide-On the subject of killing children, it's ok to leave a newborn out to die if it has a visible physical defect
Fathers offering their daughters up to be raped-because hey, it's better than the men in your town being sodomized!
Love thy neighbor as you love yourself-I would assume that means gay people too. I put that under this heading because it seems to be something we're not too into anymore.

Things that the bible say is not ok that we do anyway:
Premarital sex-need I say more?
Sex within marriage for pleasure rather than reproduction-totally unfair right? You wait all this time to get married so you can fool around, and now you're only allowed to do it to make babies?! WTF!
Treat others less than human because we refuse to believe God would make someone gay-ok, so that's not exactly what's in there, but it falls along the lines of that whole love thy neighbor thing.

Things that if you go by biblical example we should be for but for some reason, none of us can agree on:
Abortion-if you can kill children because God said to and leave infants out to die because of a harelip, certainly you should be able to end an unwanted pregnancy. Hey, it follows the same logic.
Capital punishment-an eye for an eye!

I just don't get you crazy homophobic people! I can go outside right now, find some guy, and fly off to Vegas and marry him. I can! Because I'm a woman, and a guy is another word for man. So that's totally ok and keeps the "sanctity" of marriage in tact. Totally right? But, God forbid a same sex couple that loves each other and is committed to one another get to enjoy the same right as I do with my random guy I found on the street who's name I don't know and will only allow to sleep on my couch. Can't have that! Love? Commitment? What does that have to do with marriage?!

I guess my mother did a better job with me than yours did with you. She raised me to love everyone because that's what Jesus taught. If you call yourself a Christian, and you condone this hatred, well, good luck explaining that on Judgment Day!

Here's my bottom line. When the state became the entity that condones marriage, it became a civil, SECULAR matter. The Constitution of The United States does not allow for discrimination. Religious beliefs have no place in the argument. It's discriminatory and discrimination has no place in our country. So shove it! Thanks for listening :D

To the P.O.S. at Target on Saturday (non-G rated blog)

You are a fucking perverted son of a scum ass whore bitch. Oh what? Don't remember what you did? Let me remind you. I was the woman standing behind you at the checkout stand. The one you kept looking up and down. The one you told your TEENAGE DAUGHTER you "could do" while your wife ran off to grab something she forgot to get. The one you continued to whisper to your TEENAGE DAUGHTER about anytime your wife was distracted once she came back to the line. You are a disgusting piece of child molesting white trash. I'm sure you're a child molester. Otherwise it would never occur to you to tell your TEENAGE DAUGHTER the disgusting drivel that comes from your waste of a demented rotting brain. Normal people would never do that. Only perverted scum like you. I hope you're attacked by a mob of angry mothers and hung by your testicles from a tree in the middle of a forest until they rip off and your limbs are torn from your body by a pack of rabid wolves and you slowly bleed out. Then you'll go to hell where you belong you fucking piece of shit.

Sometimes I feel like an old lady

I hate winter. I like hot, sunny days with a slow, cool breeze. Days where if you have a hankerin to go swimming, you can because it's just so beautiful out. Or a nice fall day, with a cool (but not cold) morning, a nice warm day, and a cool (again, not cold) evening where you can snuggle up in your Snuggie (just got one this weekend, super duper nifty I must say. They even came with these awesome slipper socks that I will now wear whenever home.) and watch a movie or grill a little outside. I do not like to be cold. Ever ever ever! I have all these little aches and pains that pop up/get worse when it's cold. Screw that whole "I like the cold better because I can always put on more layers, but there's only so much clothing I can take off before I get arrested" crap. Speak for your crazy self there. Layers do jack (that means nothing for those that aren't sure) for the wrist I broke at 8. Nor do layers do anything for my cartilage deficient knee. Or my tweaked back. Or the nifty bit of arthritis I've started developing in my finger. Yes, at all of 30 years old, I'm all kinds of banged up. Pack me off to a rest home in Florida. We'll all be happier. When my ouchies start ouching, I get cranky. I'm writing this as fair warning to all of you that must endure the next 6 months of me. I promise it's nothing personal. Just bring me a heating pad as a peace offering and I'll try to leave you out of my cold induced fits of rage.

Ice cubes do not make better boiling water and boiling water does not make better ice cubes!

I was at a house warming not too long ago. The host of this party said one of the dumbest things to me, and I had a very very hard time keeping my know-it-all (yes I know I can be a know-it-all, but I swear I know I don't know everything) mouth shut and not correct him in his own home. Man it was hard! Know why? Once I paraphrase what he said I hope you'll understand.

It went down kind of like this:
Some guy-"Hey George*, we're out of your famous margaritas!"
George-"Oh! I'll take care of that right now! Oh (poo)! I'm out of ice cubes." George starts running the HOT water from the tap to make ICE CUBES. Then he says something like this... "Did you know hot water freezes faster than cold or room temperature water and cold water boils faster than hot water or room temperature water?"

Oy! My brain about exploded with the illogical nonsense that just came out of that man's mouth! I'd heard such silliness before, but only from silly people that you wouldn't expect to know better. Like those girls that spent high school hanging out at the mall and the guys that thought they were great. Those people saying something like that...well, I'm just not too surprised when that happens. But this guy is a smart one. I was shocked. Shocked I tell you!

His reasoning for why this is the case? The water molecules have to work harder to get from one extreme to the other. And I guess that would be true, if the molecules had any intention of being hot rather than cold and vice versa. Thing is, they don't. They just want to be themselves. That's they're one and only intention. They don't care if you want them to freeze or to get so hot they start dancing around. They're totally zen about such things. Just let it happen-that's their motto! So, they're just not going to work any harder to be hot or cold.

The truth is, the only thing doing extra work is the heat/cold source. In the case of boiling ice cubes (doesn't that even just sound silly?!), that will mean an extra few pennies on your energy bill. That's because it will take more time to go from one extreme to the other. In the case of freezing boiling water, you'll have to wait longer for the ice cubes for the famous margaritas. Basic physics people.

2 weeks later, my hero's The Myth Busters aired a debunking of this craziness. On an unrelated note, they also explained in a different episode exactly why I close the toilet lid when I flush.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of this usually intelligent person.

Health care reform

A big thing to tackle for a mere receptionist that loves make up I know. But hey, it effects me in a big way. So I'll throw my opinion filled hat into the ring. Ready? Let's get started!

It's all about the money honey!
As the President illustrated last night, insurance companies find all sorts of nifty reasons to not pay for the care you'd expect. You expect to be covered for care needed when you get sick because you pay these companies a good chunk of your hard earned change every month. The thing is, they're for profit corporations, so any time they have to pay out big bucks for life saving care, it hurts their bottom line. Stock holders hate it when the bottom line isn't as great as it perhaps could have been because lives where being saved. Nope. It's all about the money. Anyone that tells you any different is the real liar.

Zero regulation=Super duper profit margins!
Ok, so zero is a bit of an exaggeration. There is a modicum of regulation (mostly state) set up to rein these big boys in. Clearly, what is currently set in place is ineffective at best. Now, I am by no means the biggest fan of big government regulation you'll find. I think MOST people can make common sense choices if given the opportunity and information to do so. Adding a layer of government red tape where it is not warranted seems to just muck things up. But, when people are denied benefits they have dutifully paid for, someone with clout needs to step in. The dreaded government giant needs to stomp his foot and say "No more!" We're not talking about people that bit off more than they could chew because they wanted a bigger house than they could afford here (don't EVEN get me started on that!). We're talking about hard workers who pay into a system they hope they'll never need but know a safety net is the smart decision to make. That safety net must be there should they fall (both figuratively and in the most literal sense possible).

The Uninsured Issue
This one is a tuffy. I've been uninsured. It's a scary place to be, let me tell ya! I was uninsured for the same reason most others are. I was too old to be carried on my parent's policy anymore (did you know that if you're in college, most policies will cover a child until they're 25ish but if you're in vocational school-licensed Esthetician here!-insurance companies don't consider that "real" school and therefor do not extend coverage?), and I worked a part time job that offered no benefits to part time employees. This is a very common practice as it helps keep costs down and profits up (see above for refresher if needed). Others maybe working full time jobs, but do not make enough to spare the extra expense a heath insurance policy can bring. Many people know how tough it is to live paycheck to paycheck, with out ends ever entirely meeting. The uninsured (predominantly) fall into this category.

The if's/and's/or's/but's of coverage
We're talking the fine print now. This is where they find their excuses to limit, cancel and over charge. Are you a married woman of child baring age? Guess what?! Lots of policies would like to charge you a whole lot more than a single woman in the same health. Know why? Because if you're married, clearly you must intend on having children! Those things are EXPENSIVE to bring into this world darn it! That means you should pay much much more. Even if you've had your tubes tied, your husband went under the knife, you've got an IUD and take a pill every day just in case all other measures fail. Cystic acne when you were a teen? Policy should be canceled due to your pre-existing condition! Type 1 diabetes? Well, guess that's not entirely your fault (but probably a little-you probably did something to deserve it), but you'll still be paying more for that darn pancreas issue you've got going on. Broke your wrist playing football? Forget about any arthritis meds you may need in the future-it's your fault and you shouldn't get benefits because of it. Mental health issue?!?!?!?! You really think they should help you out with that? That is so totally your fault too! Suck it up, you really have only yourself to blame. All sarcasm and jest aside, this is the way it is for millions of people.

Oh what to do, what to do???

Regulate!
That's right. I said it. I'll say it again for good measure. REGULATE!!!!!!!!! I get the argument that comes up every time anyone wants to regulate anything. Free markets regulate themselves. Competition encourages fair practices. Yada yada yada and blah blah blah. Know what I say to that in this case? Bull flipping feathers! See if's/and's/or's/but's above. It's just not the case. Everyone needs health care. Everyone has to go to the doctor at some point in time. These companies know this. They make bank because of it. They know they can charge whatever they want and those of us that can afford the price tag will pay it. The rest will be a burden on the system carried by the rest of us. And I do not blame the uninsured for their circumstance-let me make that very clear. They have simply been priced out. That's not fair to any of us. Health insurers have proven they are not capable of self regulation. Therefor, we need to tell them what they can and can not do. Plain and simple.

Reform malpractice
And you were beginning to think I was a bleeding heart leftist commie weren't you? Nope. I just believe in common sense and decency. Common decency dictates that you don't give people the option to go bankrupt, live in pain, or die when you can help them. Common sense says that abuse of the system causes costs to everyone else to increase. An obvious abuse is in the realm of malpractice. Both the insurers that cover it and the people that see dollar signs if they get an infected incision because they don't follow proper aftercare or suffer an allergic reaction to a medication because they never told their doctor they were allergic to penicillin and eggs. Doctors pay a ridiculous amount for their malpractice insurance. And just like us, quite often, that policy doesn't pay out should they need it. They order unnecessary tests to protect themselves should they be sued. This drives up the cost of health care for all of us. We live in such a litigious society that doctors must pull a CYA or their livelihood could be easily lost. Now, don't get me wrong. If you're supposed to have your gangrened left foot amputated and wake up to find your right hand gone, sue that incompetent bastard! If you have a festering wound that won't heal because someone left a paper towel in your abdomen, take on that hospital! BUT, if you fail to tell your doctor about an allergy or other medical condition, THAT IS NOT THE DOCTOR'S FAULT! You have no one but yourself to blame on that. We all get to pay for those frivolous lawsuits. Doctors build their costs of doing business into their fees just like every other business. Part of the cost of doing business? That's right, malpractice insurance. So, if they're getting charged an outrageous amount for insurance they'll likely never need to use because of our sue happy nation, guess who REALLY pays that bill? You and me. No fun, no fun at all I say!

What should be done with all those people that couldn't afford insurance even if the companies decided to play a fair game of ball?
Don't worry, I'm not a heartless bastard. If there are people that can not afford insurance even after regulators beat the big bad insurance companies into shape, I have a solution! It's a safety net (for lack of a better phrase). It's based on a sliding scale. If they go in for treatment, they pay based on what they can afford. Period. End of story. If you make more than a set dollar amount, you would be expected to have an insurance. If you do not, it would be kind of like when you get into an car accident and were cited for no insurance. You'd have the opportunity to go out and get insurance. The insurance companies would not be allowed to deny you coverage based on the fact that you had to go to the doctor. Just like they can't deny you car insurance because you were in that accident. Perhaps they will charge you a bit more, but hey, you should have had that insurance in the first place! If you still think you don't need insurance, you pay the full cost of your treatment.

Now, I know I can't solve ALL the problems of the world, but I think these politicians should consult me a bit more often!

Alright

I have decided that I do in fact have a life beyond the telephone system attached to my ear 9 hours of the day. Since that's the case, I also decided that life deserves its very own blog. And this is it. And there you go. That is all for today. Goodbye.